Hirrro All!
This is Layla, the pedigrrree puppy, here to tell you about my surrrprise party that my
Daddy had for me the other night. I knew my birrrthday was coming up soon but I
figurrred he had forgot about it afterrr I put anotherrr hole in that big chew toy he calls
the couch. But here I was, busy knocking the balls arrround on the pool table and all of a
sudden therrre is these people knocking at the doorrr. It's Aunt Tarrra and her buddies,
David & Leigh! Ohh, Ohh, bwooooor!!! They have grrreat chew toys! And they brought
me one too! They look a little tipsy already but who cares? They brought me a stuffed
birrrthday cake that plays happy birrrthday!!  Scotch for Daddy? Oh boy, they're going to
be stepping on me laterrr! I better get some nips and tugs in now. Take that! Hey
wait...look at this! Aunt Tara brought Daddy's favorite. Lasagna! He's like Garfield on that
stuff! Hey! Stop ignoring me by playing darts. I'll show you! Ha, ha! I got one of the darts.
Na, na, naa. You can't catch me, you can't catch me! Aaarrrgh! I hate it when Daddy
sprays me with that squirt bottle. Ok..ok, you can have your freaking dart! Hey, there's
another knock on the door! It's Uncle Pat and his Brother Billy!  I love these guys! They
always give me beer! And they brought me rubber bands or, as Daddy says, "gumbans."
Aww, Dad let me have them! You can pull them out of my butt later, Ha, ha! Hey, who is
here now? It's some strangers, Dad says, Adam & Aprrril. Wait till they get a load of me!
Bwooooorrr! Don't tell me to settle down! It's my party and I'll bite if I want to! Pat from
his softball team is here too. Hey, if people just keep coming in that door, I can bolt! And
be free! Free to smell the odiferous garbage! Frrree to poop where I please! Free to...the
door is opening! Bye, bye! I'm off down the street! Goodbye! Hey wait...there's my
favorite bush. Let's see who peed here! Oh, oh here comes Daddy running his fool head
off! Well, I guess I should be at my own birthday party. But if I get another chance, I'm
outta here! Hey, there's Tobi & Rob! Daddy says they are still on their honeymoon. I can
smell their dogs! Daddy, how come you didn't let their dogs come? I need some friends
around here! You think I want to sit around all day and look at your sorry mug all day long,
you're crazy! I have butts to smell! Now Daddy is yelling at Willie & Sandy for letting me
out! Thanks you guys! I needed the exercise. Besides, me being able to go to my favorite
bush and take a whiff is worth any price you have to pay. Ding Dong. There's that crazy
bell that means Daddy is going to the door. It's Lorrri and some short people. Alright! The
short people are going into the pool! Splash me! Splash me! I can run around this pool all
day! Hey wait! It's Uncle Kenny.  He likes to play rrrough. I like that. He's also the same
guy who snuck me into the barrr under his shirt when I was a puppy. He brought my
favorite song, "Who Let the Dogs Out, Woof, Woof." It was Willie. That's who! Holy cow!
Here comes a bunch of other people! Liz & Rob, Neighbor Brian & his wife and another
short person. They have a cute dog that I've had my eye on for a while. And Daddy's
boss, Paul & his wife Cheryl. Daddy said that she didn't exist because he'd never seen her.
Why does he keep calling her Maris? I thought her name was Cheryl. They don't drink so
at least they won't be stepping on me. And here comes one of my favorite dogsitters,
Cousin Colleen! She's with her sister Sandy and someone from Daddy's hometown, named
Jason. Daddy, go show them that room you never let me in with all that sports stuff so I
can grab the meat tray. Look at what they brought me! It's the bone of a stegosaurus!
How the hell am I going to bury this? Well it's about time! Everyone is starting to eat. This
pack of knuckleheads will be dropping food like the Tasmanian Devil at Luby's! Snarf, snarf,
bwooooooorp. Yummy, yummy they really have the eats at this shindig! Time to get some
beer off the O'Connell Brothers. Hey, who turned off the lights! Wait, there's a fire! No
it's my dogfood cake! And they have another one shaped like a bone! Can I bury that
cake? They are all singing Happy Birthday to me! I've heard the neighbor's dogs sing
better than this! Ok, ok I guess Ed McMahon won't be coming to this party. Daddy don't
spit on my cake! Oh, you are just blowing out the candles. Thanks alot for stealing my
wish! That meat tray would have made my day! Oh my gosh!  He's letting me eat this dog
food cake all by myself. Daddy's taking pictures...again. I swear this guy blinds more people
than the sun! Time to open presents! Beggin' Strips, T-Bonz, Chew toys, this is a regular
cornucopia of canine guttaral glut. I'll be a junk-filled dog. Boy, the yard is going to be a
mess for awhile! Wooooohooooo! Wow, these people are getting drunk! Now, they're
dancing! If that is what they call dancing. They look more like Watusis on hot coals. If you
want to see dancing, watch me grab this sandwich and ditch you guys! Hey, there's my
song again! That's right, somebody let the dog out! Darn, Daddy grabbed me before our
next door neighbors, Jason & Tylissa, could let me out. They live with my favorite buddies,
Jake & Taylor the dogs. I'm always running back and forth trying to keep them quiet.
Tylissa gonna have a litter soon. Look who else is here! It's Chris & Lisa! He's telling Daddy
a story about how he was looking for a job and didn't have an extra tie to interview in. He
didn't really have the money to buy one so he is fretting about this when he decides to
take a hike up a local mountain. And guess what? He finds a dozen ties on top of the
mountain! I wish he would take me for walks! Then maybe I could find that golden trash
can that is out there, somewhere. Excuse me, somebody left the porcelain water bowl
open. Lappity, lap. Well, people are starting to stagger out of here. Maybe I can bolt...oh,
Daddy put me down. Ok, ok, I'll say bye, bye, bite! It's plum near 4AM! Hey, thanks for
coming! Thanks for all the great gifts! In about a month you can bring me some more!! It
will be my 2 year and one month birthday then! Well, Daddy is staying up with Pat to play
that game with the pieces I love to chew on. I think he calls it chess. Knuckleheads!
Doesn't he know the hangover he's going to have tomorrow! I'm going to sleep under
the covers about six o'clock in the morning! Daddy loves it when I jump on his head. Oh,
by the way, all your presents are presently buried.
Your Favorite Puppy,
Layla
LAYLA HAS A STORY FOR YOU